Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Randomize
