coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
