How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
