Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
