I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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