dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Randomize
