Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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