so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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