Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
