Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
