so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
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