I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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