Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize