my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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