I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
