We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
