he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
