Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
