If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
She even gives head with a lisp.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Randomize
