nut hugger
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
