I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize