but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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