I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
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