my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
