Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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