Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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