One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
