i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I've blown a few things in my day
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize