anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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