I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
