I swear she didn't look like that last week.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
