I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
