i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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