5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
