i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
