Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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