She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
