I hate your face
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I cannot find my penis.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
