sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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