I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
