I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
