i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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