please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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