I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
