You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
