I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
