I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
