Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Randomize
