I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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