In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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