If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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