I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize