The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
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