Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Randomize
