The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
