I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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