There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Randomize
