And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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