If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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