HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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