some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
