woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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