Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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