its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize