should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
