i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
