I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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