thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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