Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
