So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
