I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
