I can't breathe out the right side of my face
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
