I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
