Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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