you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
