respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize