she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Randomize
