Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
