I need help removing her.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
