So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
