He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
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