If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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