what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
