Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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