You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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