So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
