I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
