office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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