Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
