At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
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