Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
