It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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