i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
